Pedofila relationer finns i alla former, allt från de genuint positiva till de djupt negativa. För att ge en inblick i hur barn kan uppleva sexuella kontakter med vuxna så följer några fall som visar ett brett spektra av upplevelser.

Sexuella kontakter mellan barn och vuxna är sällan av våldsam eller tvingande karaktär och det finns även en stor mängd relationer av icke sexuell karaktär. Här följer ett fall hämtat ifrån Rind (2001) och involverar en tolvårig pojke och en 22-årig man.

”It developed over time and was great. We became friends and I invited him over once when my parents weren’t home. I practically had to force sex on him because he was afraid about losing his job. Ended when I went away for the summer and he wasn’t a teacher at my school no more” (s. 163).

Följande fall handlar om Johnny (12 år) som hade en relation med en vuxen man vid namn Ferdinand och var även involverad i framställning av barnpornografi med en man vid namn Fred. Intervjun är något förkortad jämfört med originalet. Den är intressant eftersom den berör en pojke som varit inblandad i barnpornografi, ett fenomen som media ofta tar upp men där de inblandades perspektiv sällan får komma fram. Johnnys berättelse visar att verkligheten är mer komplicerad än vad media ger sken av. Fallet är hämtat från Schuijer & Rossen (1992).

J. We always went swimming in the weekend. Sometimes we went to the movies, or we went to visit his parents, and to birthday parties and that sort of thing. Sometimes we also went to Centreparcs with friends for a weekend, or to stay in a bungalow and that kind of thing. Table tennis, and all kinds of things.

B. And in the vacations?

J. Every year I went with Ferdinand to Yugoslavia and once to Spain in the winter with his parents. In summer we always go to Yugoslavia and we go to the nude beaches there. Once in winter we went to Benidorm in Spain. We also have little excursions to bungalows and the Centreparcs and such like. We do that on the long weekends. Holidays in Yugoslavia, Spain and Belgium. We were not really in Belgium on vacation but went there for excursions with friends. We went for long weekends or for a week. That varied.

B. Yugoslavia is more than an excursion.

J. Yes. That was for a vacation. Three weeks long.

B. Did you go by train, by air or ... ?

J. We've been by car, by aircraft and with the bus. We have also done other things, for example we've been to the entertainment parks such as Duinrell and Efteling. And we have also been go-kart racing. You know, the tiny autos. But we didn't do that so often. We did that a couple of times. Two or three times or so.

B. Can you remember any more things?

J. No. Not really important things, no.

B. What are the positive aspects of your contact with Ferdinand?

J. Positive aspects? Now ... it is so. My parents were divorced, so I missed a father in my family. I didn't have a father any more, and I had no contact with him. In the beginning I did but later not. And I was actually looking for a sort of father figure for myself, a sort of father for me. I found that in Ferdinand. I could always have good talks with Ferdinand. Ferdinand was really my second father. But not like the father type but just as a sort of father. Someone with whom I could talk about everything.

B. Did that include talking about problems at school and ...

J. Everything! About problems at school, at home, at work.

B. What are the negative aspects of your contact with Ferdinand?

J. Tss ... There aren't any.

B. There aren't any?

J. No!

B. Absolutely not?

J. No! I don't have anything negative ... Yea, look, it is of course so ... Ferdinand is a pedophile ... and, yes. I don't want to say that that's negative, but after all it is difficult for me because my family doesn't know that. My mother knows it. But my family doesn't know and so I actually have to keep it a bit hidden when my family asks about Ferdinand or about how it is going with me and that sort of thing. They know that Ferdinand had been married but it is too difficult to have to explain all that.

B. So you can say that because Ferdinand is pedophile, that that is a negative aspect?

J. No! Being pedophile itself is not a negative aspect! But just to explain that to my family, or to keep his orientation hidden from them.

B. What does your mother think about your contact with Ferdinand?

J. My mother thinks that I should make my own choice. My mother thinks that I am old enough to determine what I want and what I don't want. My mother thought that my contact with Ferdinand was good, but said if there were things that I didn't like, that I should say so right away. If, for example there was something that I did not want, then I should say so, and if there was something which I did want then I could say that too. But she went along with it. She said that I was old enough and that I could choose for myself.

B. When you were 12?

J. Yes.

B. ... and did she know that he was pedophile?

J. Yes.

(Senare blev Ferdinand arresterad i en barnpornografihärva och fängslad.)

After that I had to wait a whole long time for a message from Ferdinand, because I didn't know any address or anything where I could write to him. After a time I got a letter from Ferdinand describing the situation and what had happened, with an address. Then I sent a letter ... no ... no letter yet because at that time Ferdinand was still in the cell at the police station. From there he went to the prison and that is where I sent him the letter. And then after a while some other boys were interrogated and they mentioned my name. And then, if I remember it right — I'm not sure any more — then I was telephoned by the police. They wanted to come and talk to me at home. And so that was my first contact with the police.
B. Why did you go ahead with writing letters and phoning Ferdinand while he was in jail?

J. Because he is my friend and a very good one at that and you don't abandon someone just like that. Some people said, "Now he's in jail, it's over with." But that's not what I thought. So that is why I sent him lots of letters and also phoned him up and also visited him in jail.

B. So there are three things: letters, telephone calls and also visits to the jail. How have you been able to continue your friendship with Ferdinand after his release?

J. How do you mean? Just the same. Nothing changed. The contact has only become stronger, including the sexual contact. Because Ferdinand knew that I hadn't deserted him. Because Ferdinand has real value for me and I for him. Therefore it only became stronger.

B. How did it go during the first few weeks that Ferdinand was free?

J. Now Ferdinand was obviously a little disoriented because he was free at last and he could do anything he wanted. I mean ordinary things. He had a probationary period of two months. But he had to get used to his freedom.

B. Did you find you had to get accustomed to each other?

J. No! We didn't have to get accustomed to each other. I knew him already!

B. Has your relationship with Ferdinand changed since his release?

J. Yes, I think so. It has become stronger.

I följande text berättar en vuxen man om den sexuella relation han hade som barn, den visar betydelsen av vänskap och ömsesidig respekt i pedofila relationer. Hämtat från O'Carrol (1980).

”'When I was about eight years old I got to know a man in the street who thought that I played very nicely. He invited me out for a bicycle ride (on his luggage frame) and, later on, to visit his home. Although my parents had warned me not to do it, I just could not see the problem that they were talking about. I could not imagine that this gentleman could harm me. I got to know him really well at our first meeting at his house. We became friends and I was allowed to call him by his first name. So, gradually, we got to know each other even better and I came to realise that he was homosexual, which certainly didn't hit me like a bombshell but it was something that I wanted to know more about. He told me about sexuality, and other subjects such as bisexuality and heterosexuality came into the discussion, which were quite beyond my parents (for which I never blamed them). The bond between us and our friendship became even stronger. From him I received love, which actually I had never known (that is not the way things are at present with my wife). But our friendship was, and still is, one that I could imagine with no one else. Later, when I was ten or eleven, we had sex with each other; something I always enjoyed. That lasted until I was eighteen, when I went steady with a girl. When I was engaged, I was able to tell my future wife with an easy mind about my youth. I myself was sufficiently prepared and conveyed this to her. She could appreciate the whole thing very well. We were very sure of each other and were married in 1968 and have, at the moment, an especially good marriage, an especially fine sexual relationship and an especially dear little daughter of ten months.”

Följande är en berättelse av en kvinna som upplevde en sexuell relation med en vuxen när hon var åtta år gammal:

“Aunt Addie was a dynamic, intelligent, and creative woman - who refused, all her life, to be cowed by convention. In an extended family where women played out "traditional" housewifely roles to the hilt, she stood out, a beacon of independence and strength. She was a nurse in France during the First World War, had travelled, read books, and lived for over twenty years in a monogamous relationship with another woman. Her lover's death pre-dated the start of our sexual relationship by about two years But we had always been close and seen a great deal of each other. In the summers, which my mother, brother and I always spent at her seashore home, we were together daily. In other seasons, she would drive to visit us wherever we were living, and often stayed for a month or so at a time.

I adored her; that's all there was to it. I had never been taught at home that heterosexual acts or other body functions were dirty or forbidden, and I'd been isolated enough from other children to manage to miss a lot of the usual sexist socialisation learned in play. It never occurred to me that it might be considered "unnatural" or "antisocial" to kiss or touch or hold the person I loved, and I don't think that Addie was terribly concerned by such things either. I do know that I never felt pressured or forced by any sexual aspects of the love I felt for her. I think I can safely say, some twenty years later, that I was never exploited physically emotionally, or intellectually - in the least.”

Andelen negativa fall är i ungefär samma storleksordning som de positiva och neutrala och speciellt incestfall och fall utan samtycke uppfattas ofta som negativa. Här följer några utdrag från incesfall:

Flickan i följande fall hade svårt att acceptera det som hände och kände en svårighet att berätta och sätta ord på händelsen när det skedde.

”The whole time I'm thinking, "l am imagining this, hold on, this can't be happening, no way." My dad wouldn't be doing that, what am I thinking?
I'm making it up or something--so I would push it out of my mind so I wouldn't have to remember it.

I would wake up and I'd go no, that couldn't have happened.

I didn't know why he was doing things to me--I didn't understand.

I just--I didn't know what it was but I just knew it wasn't right. I didn't put any words to it.

I knew there was something wrong, I just didn't know what it was.

I was ignorant. I didn't know what he was doing. I didn't know what it was called so I wasn't brave enough to tell what he was doing or tell anybody what it was.

I didn't know what to do about it. I knew I was scared and I don't know what he was doing.

(It was) confusing and then I knew it was wrong.

I really didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react. I was confused and didn't want to get hurt.” (Phelan, 1995:18-9).

Flickan i nästkommande fall försökte med olika strategier för att undvika de sexuella övergreppen:

”So I did everything I possibly could to keep Jim from doing anything. If 1 went to bed I'd try my darndest to go right to sleep because it got to the point where he wouldn't do anything if I was asleep because I wouldn't wake up and that was not fun. And if he was taking a shower and wanted me to get him anything like a towel, I'd talk my mom into taking it in to him. Or if I was in the shower I'd shut the door. And if my morn went anywhere I'd go with her . . . . And if he'd call me into the bedroom I'd stand at the door and ask him what he wanted. And if he wanted me to go over to the bed, he'd do that a lot if my mom was in the bathtub, I'd go, "What do you w a n t - - I have to do my homework, clean my bedroom or something.'"
I used to do homework as an excuse

It was like I k n e w -- i t was usually every Saturday when my morn when shopping. I didn't know what time but I knew the day. I kind of tried to stay away from him.

I just did anything to stay away.” (Phelan, 1995:19).

I incestfall kan även den omedelbara reaktionen av de sexuella övergreppen uppfattas som negativ.

”Stepdaughter: I remember exactly how it started. He was reading this book to me and my stepsister. She was older. He was reading this story and he was tickling our stomachs and he started fumbling my breasts. I hated it, I pushed him away. He was reading and touching at the same time.” (Phelan, 1995:12).

Barnets okunskap kan spela en roll där det i början inte uppfattas som något speciellt utan det är först senare när barnet får större insikt om tabu som starkare reaktioner kommer.

”Stepdaughter: Well I thought it was very normal because I did whatever he said, because he was my father. I didn't know what was right or wrong. The first time he approached me, he called me into the room. I was watching cartoons. He called me in and said, "lay down beside me," and I said, "okay," because I was cold and I didn't have any sox on. I was in my pajamas and my room was off shopping with Kathy. And then he would start like, "my tummy hurts, would you rub it for me," and then he would tell me to go lower and lower and that's when it first started. And then he started using that excuse, over and over.” (Phelan, 1995:12).